You know I rarely draw anymore, I occasionally sketch and shit, or doodle, around, but every time someone see's my notebook and says you should do something with that, I die a little inside. I just don't feel anything for it anymore. I don't really have any motivation. I mean, its been what? 5 years since I started this account? maybe 2004? and still going back and looking through it is like watching a flower grow and then sticking it in the microwave, and seeing if it explodes. (I'm sure it doesn't but I'm willing to be its not pretty either way)I don't know why but I haven't been sleeping well lately, and more over, I've been visiting this site, but like a lot of things I used to do and don't anymore, I feel like its like visiting your high school years after everyone you knew graduated. It reminds you of being that age, but there is an over whelming feeling that you've graduated from that part of your life, and its not right for you to be there, or at least not right to stay.

More over I find it funny, and I've been interested in this for a while, but I might as well dive into it here. there are a few coincidences in my life that I've noticed recently, first is that I have a strange fascination with angels. Ironically I named this account ExAngel, and I used that name a few times but this was the first. The funny thing about that, is Exangel implies that I once was an angel right? I guess the irony of that is I could give a shit, and am definitely no angel. I think the reason angels interest me is because I always considered angels to be this symbol of perfection. and I've come to learn in life that the more we try to fit into the mold of perfect the more imperfect we become. I think at the end of the day what it boils down to is that no body is perfect and if you try to be something that you can't be you're gonna disappoint everyone. After you do that, you can only hope to god that you didn't fuck up that bad, and that you can forgive yourself afterward once the beautiful little card house comes crashing down around you.

Another coincidence in my life is the number 3. That's a weird one, but all good things my life come in three's as well as painful things, and really all things. seems a little weird to me but i didn't really think about it two hard.

Well not that thats all out in the air, I'm gonna try and get some sleep.